How To Be Successful In Life – Be Yourself
Friends Are A Joy: How You can Find Even More
The world is full of potential friends for you. You just have to meet them and make them feel that they like you. You’ve got to like them too, of course. Friendship is a two-way street and you have to believe that you are a likeable person that people will want to get to know. It doesn’t matter if you’re not fashionable, beautiful or clever – there are lots of people just like you who would be glad to call you a friend.
So the first step to finding more friends is:
That can be easier said than done at times, but try it. Find one thing you like about yourself and let it make you smile. Smiling at people makes them feel important – and everyone likes to feel important – right? Then keep smiling. People who smile more are more likely to have friends because they are more likely to look friendly and like they are fun to know. It’s another one of those self-fulfilling prophecies.
Stay true to yourself
Once you’ve decided what it is that you like about yourself, keep it that way. You can adapt slightly to accommodate people – you’ll do that in all relationships. But don’t sell your soul to the devil. Don’t do things that you don’t feel are right for you. If you do, you’re selling a false bill of goods and you want attract the kinds of friends you want: ones you can be yourself with and with whom you can relax and have fun.
If you can be confident in your looks, your ideas and your opinions you will soon have people interested in getting to know you better.
Be picky about who you consider friends
Choose your friends carefully. Don’t be persuaded to do something you feel is wrong or which makes you feel uncomfortable, just to make friends. You want friends , with roughly the same moral values as yourself, so don’t compromise them. Talk about your beliefs and ideas with potential friends, of course – and listen to their ideas – but don’t sell out on what you believe.
That takes me to another important factor in making friends:
Be a good listener
You liked to be listened to, don’t you? It makes you feel important and valued and like your opinion matters. Everyone’s the same. So if you take the time to listen well, you may not only learn something new and interesting, you will be sending out the message that you are a kind and thoughtful person to know.
Okay, so now you have the right mental attitude that makes you a good potential friend – so how do you do it?
First – get out and meet some people
If you want to make friends, you first need to meet people. No matter where you live, this should be quite easy.
You’re surrounded by people at school or work. Start talking to them. Even if it’s just one person who you think seems nice, to begin with.
You’ve got interests and hobbies and having those in common is what will keep a friendship strong, interesting – and fulfilling for you both. So join a club or a team in whatever your hobby is, or go to one of your hobby supply shops to meet like-minded people.
You could do some voluntary work. That way you could make friends and feel ood about yourself at the same time because you will be doing something to help someone else. Devoting some unpaid time to help someone else shows you have compassion and that you care. These are two great attributes for friends to have.
The internet has made making friends easier, because now you don’t have that initially scary face-to-face thing going on. You can play games and chat away to your heart’s content. Just be aware of the safety issues.
You don’t *really* know that you are talking to who you think you are, so be very wary or meeting up with anyone from an internet contact. If you decide to meet up, get to know them a long time first online, then only meet in a very public place such as a pub or café or library. Always let someone else know you are going to do this – and take someone with you. Never meet up alone with someone for the first few contacts.
So when you’ve met people, what do you do?
Talk to them!
Talk to people you meet in your everyday life. Most conversations will go nowhere at all and you’ll never meet again, but they are practice. Once you’ve had a few conversations with new people, you’ll start to feel more confident. The knock-on benefit to that is that you will feel more relaxed and look more relaxed. That in turn will relax the person you’re talking to – and conversations are best in relaxed situations where people can just be themselves and enjoy what is being talked about.
Introduce yourself early in the conversation, although proabbly not in the first sentence. Wait to see if you like the other person. If you do, tell them your first name. They’ll need to know your name if they’re going to become your friend. Then just makes small talk – talk about the weather, where you are, what you’re doing – no pressure. Just open up the lines of communication.
If you discover the two of you have an interest in common – great! You’re off! Talking about the hobby you know you both enjoy should be much easier.
Now you’ve made that first contact, how do you maintain the friendship? The first thing is obvious – swap contact details like phone number or e-mail address. After that:
If you say you’ll do something for someone – do it.
Be trustworthy. One of the best things about having a friend is that you have someone you can talk toabout anything, even secrets that you can’t tell anyone else. So if you are told something in confidence, keep it secret.
But before people even feel comfortable opening up to you, you need to build trust. Be honest about yourself and your beliefs, and don’t gossip about others or spread rumours.
Don’t be a fair weather friend who disappears at the first sign of trouble. When you’re in a difficult situation, you need people you can trust to talk to. You need your friends. Be that friend for someone else.
And again – be true to yourself. You deserve to have friends and you will find people who like you exactly as you are. Those will be your true friends. Go out and meet them today!
To your success
Andy Shaw – A Bug Free Mind