How To Be Successful In Life – Know Yourself
Get in Touch with Your Emotions in Order to Manage Your Anger
Stop that flickering flash of annoyance before it becomes an all-consuming fire of anger. Greater self-awareness about how you’re feeling and why you’re feeling that way helps to limit the amount of anger you feel. Giving yourself permission to have those feelings helps stop them getting out of control.
It’s Ok to be angry
You may think that anger is a negative emotion and that’s probably because you’ve seen its destructive, violent and aggressive side all too often as feelings you or someone close to you have tried to bury have come roaring out in a blast of hot air and venom that is difficult to recover from.
But it’s Ok to feel angry when things don’t go according to plan or when someone harms or insults you. That’s natural. Anger is natural.
Like any emotion, though, what matters is how you choose to deal with that anger. If you choose to hit out and fight, the negative consequences and feelings of anger may spiral out of control, thus increasing your anger still further. You need to take control before that happens.
Recognize the early warning signs
Getting in touch with your emotions like anger allows you to gain control over them, letting them out slowly and in a controlled way. You no doubt like to feel in control of our lives. Feeling a lack control often creates a simmering pressure of frustration, which erupts from you in shouting, swearing, smashed crockery and the like when the pressure gets too much for you. You need to recognize your anger before it reaches that boiling point.
Early intervention is the key to de-escalating your anger before it becomes dangerous and upsetting. That’s why it’s important to be in touch with your feelings.
What usually makes you angry?
Is there a pattern to your anger? Something that really gets on your nerves? Well – good! Knowing hat makes you angry is a huge step towards controlling that anger. Once you can control the anger you can let it out slowly and constructively.
Ok – so I know I’m angry – now what do I do?
Take a deep breath. Then take another.
Think about it. Have you ever annoyed someone? How did they react? – Did they shout and scream at you or did they talk through their feelings with you? Which is the better way? Are you more likely to listen to someone who calmly tells you how what you did caused a problem for them or someone who screams and shouts and gets uncontrollably angry?
Once a person has got *that* angry they are beyond rational thought. You can’t reason with them and you can’t move forward to a solution. So the same situation is likely to arise again, making you more and more angry each time.
Now do you see why you need to control your anger? Taking a deep breath and thinking about the situation is much more likely to help that continuing to be angry is.
Try to think why you are angry
What are the specific circumstances, which have annoyed you? Is someone asking too much of you? Are your feelings not being considered? Unless you realize what it is specifically that has annoyed you, how can you tell the person? And if you can’t tell them – how do you expect them to do anything about it?
Confrontation is a two-way street, though. Did you may do something to spark off another person’s anger – or had you not made your feelings and needs clear to them – perhaps because they weren’t even clear to you?
Review your reaction
Was there something you could have done to stop a situation becoming angered and heated? Did you add to the other person’s stress and push them to their own personal boiling point – even though you didn’t mean to?
Now you know what makes you angry and what ways you’re likely to react if angered, you can break the habit. It takes self-control, but now that you’re in touch with your emotions you just gained that self-control. Congratulations!
Now you’re in a position to use that awareness to help manage your anger.
Techniques for anger management
- Take a few deep breaths – it gives you time to think, and it also brings oxygen into the body and gets rid of some of the body’s natural hormones which are stimulating your anger. So it’s a doubly good thing to do!
- Know what makes you angry – that way you can avoid some of your triggers.
- Validate your feelings – you are allowed to be angry! It isn’t always your fault that you have become tense and upset.
- Recognize your responsibility to control that anger – it may not your fault that something angered you. It *is* your fault if you let that anger take control of you.
- Think what you want to get out of this situation – getting in touch with your emotions allows you
- Express yourself – Don’t kick the cat. Say what it is you need and want. The point of taking control of your anger is to be able to reach a solution for whatever it is that angered you. Calmly, rationally and like you have a right to be heard – you do.
Getting in touch with your emotions is a huge help in controlling your anger because it helps you intervene earlier, enables you to think rationally about what it is that has angered you and then to take steps in future to avoid things that anger you.
To your success
Andy Shaw – A Bug Free Mind